When sleeping with your co-founder is a great idea: 3 couples share their thoughts

Love is complex, so much so that thousands of movies have been made and songs composed about it. Our fascination with love stretches back all the way to Shakespeare and his star-crossed lovers. A lot of drama is involved.

Which is why when you talk about mixing love and entrepreneurship, red flags are raised. What happens if the couple breaks up? What if they argue or stop getting along? What if emotions get in the way of rational decision making?

Investors too are typically wary of funding romantically involved co-founders of every permutation. The risks are too great. But that has not stopped some couples from venturing out and starting their own enterprises. I speak to three such teams to find out what they have to say.

Jia En Teo and Federico Folcia, co-founders, Roomorama

The pair started Roomorama, an online short-term rentals marketplace, in January 2009. Since then, they have gone on to raise US$2.1M in seed capital. Their collaboration happened organically: When Federico had the idea, Jia En helped out, but she got more and more involved as time went on. They got married recently.

What advice would you give to entrepreneurs and their partners who are thinking of starting a company as a couple?

Federico: Not to start a company together (laughs).

Jia En: Jokes aside, I think one thing we would advice other couples to do is to, number one, always protect yourselves legally. Just because you’re together doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever. Just make sure you have the proper legal documents drawn up as an organization. Never treat yourselves as friends that can trust each other. Of course, that’s what you hope, but at the end of the day, fights happen, quarrels happen.

So, before even going into it, get an outside lawyer to draft out ownership, what happens if someone leaves; all these contingencies need to be drawn out by a lawyer. The second advice I would give is that both parties should bring different skills to the table. I think it’s very difficult if both parties have the same exact skills, as that may leads to more opportunities for conflict.

Having a lawyer coming in; the concept seems kinda foreign for couples right? How tough is it?

J: I think you both just have to realize that it’s a necessary arrangement. You do it with a friend when you’re going into a business, you do it with a business partner. You should expect to do it with whomever you’re working with. You have to be prepared to go through these very unromantic motions. I think it’s very important.

How do clients and potential investors react to the fact that both of you are a couple and how do you deal with that?

F: I think it’s more of a concern in Asia than the Western world. In my conversations with investors or the press I have barely been asked about our relationship. Whereas in Asia, Singapore especially, every single investor would ask. I think it’s a matter of peace of mind for them. They want to know the management is stable, and I think it’s very natural to ask these kinds of questions. But in the end it hasn’t really been a big issue. In general though I think they do prefer not to have couples who are both involved in the process. With couples you have to factor in the emotional relationship between the two senior managers.

Can you speculate or explain why?

J: I think actually the more important thing here is that Western investors are more hesitant to ask about personal issues whereas Asian investors are less afraid of that.

F: In Asia, a lot less tech companies are run by couples as compared to the Western world. So investors here are more wary of potential issues arising from the personal relationship mining the business one.

(Read: Is there room for more than one Airbnb?)

What are the advantages and disadvantages of starting a business as a couple?

J: One obvious advantage is trust. You need to be able to trust the person you’re working with. Also you need to share the same sort of long term values and goals. And when you work with a business partner and when you work with several, everyone has different priorities. They might be in different phases of their lives. Some might have babies, some might want to go off and do their own things after 2-3 years. Whereas as a couple — of course hopefully it’s a long-term relationship — the couple shares the same values and priorities. That allows you to make longer-term commitments and decisions as opposed to making decisions for self-interest. You really think for the company.

F: Relationships can be detrimental for the company, but the business relationship can also be detrimental for the couple. You work together, you live together, there’s never a moment where business is not part of the conversation. It’s very, very, very difficult to divorce both. That’s why I’m proud of us for having to have done the business for a few years and even manage to grow in our personal relationship together.

J: I think on a relationship level there’s nothing that will bring you closer together than really working together. For example, Fede and I both know each other inside out because we see each other on a personal level and a business level. So when he’s stressed out I know why he’s stressed out. Whereas I think for a couple that’s not working together, they never really know what’s affecting the other person. If you go through the exact same things, I know how he reacts in certain situations. I know what causes him stress or what causes him happiness. I think on a relationship level it helps to improve our relationship and understanding of each other.

Do you guys make it a point to separate professional and personal life?

F: A few simple rules we follow. We forbid the other party from using the phone during our meals. We try not to work on weekends. We try to take a small break every couple of months. Small break like 2-3 days. It’s important to sometimes just take a break and recharge.

J: One more advantage I can think of. Because a lot of couples work seperately, husband travels all the time or wife travels all the time, so they miss out a lot of travel time together. For us, because we travel a lot together for work, we end up extending the weekend to walk around. It ends up being a lot more economical as well (laughs).

Nityanand Rai and Michelle Khoo

After starting several businesses together, the Singaporean couple eventually moved on to do their own things. Nity is the founder of Twofold, a peer-to-peer learning portal, while Michelle has launched a new beauty e-zine called thebeautyresource. She was the creative director for Twofold, and still helps from time to time.

Why did you decide to work together initially, and why did you eventually move on to do your own thing?

Michelle: On my part, I decided to work with him because we both enjoyed bouncing ideas off each other and challenging each other’s beliefs, surprisingly not a very common connection for me with most other people.

Nity: When I first conceived the idea of a business, I talked to Michelle about it. She has a way of looking at things that brings out the best and worst in ideas. Hence you leave a conversation knowing what to strengthen and what to build.

And we work really well together. I grow the business and Michelle is fantastic and streamlining and visual aesthetics. Also she has a never back down attitude to new challenges which I still try and emulate.

As we did different things across different businesses, naturally we see traits of what the other likes to do when it comes to work and we decided to give each other the go ahead to pursue our individual passions. And her ezine is beautiful.

That is not to say we do not discuss our work with each other now, far from it. We’re always discussing ideas, possible marketing tactics, growth and sometimes couple time is actually brain-teasing business conversations.

But the best part of working together is you see the best and worst in each other hence you can make a truly informed decision about a long-term commitment to the person and not just a partner.

Could you give some advice to entrepreneurs thinking of starting a company as a couple? What are the things to look out for?

Michelle: Develop a very clear communication channel. Neither partner should be afraid of questioning the other’s decisions, but always in a respectful manner (Nity was always better at that!). Understand that criticisms received during business-related discussions are simply that. Don’t take it out personally on your better half, though it may be tempting to do so.

Also, handling failure maturely is an essential skill for a single entrepreneur but more so for a couple because you won’t only have to deal with your own disappointment but that of your partner’s as well, and it is very tempting to play the blame game. Also, try not to work in the same department because the power play in your romantic relationship will naturally carry over to work and the results may not always be pleasant.

Nity: Develop clear and obvious boundaries. For example, do not discuss business on Saturdays or in the bedroom or meal times. It can be very tempting to talk work all the time but the relationship that the couple has might be lost in that process so set some clear boundaries where it is only couple time.

Make extra effort to communicate. Couples can often take each other’s criticisms and shortcomings more personally than they would of partners ( I am guilty of that) and hence, both people should make extra effort to communicate what he or she expects and wants to achieve weekly.

There will be ups and downs. The last thing you want to do is blame the other person for “not working hard enough”. Often the person saying it is communicating what he feels about himself so sit and talk through things casually.

It’s best to have clear roles. I handled growth and sales, Michelle handled design and UI/UX. I trust her and do not interfere (or try my best not to) in her areas and she gives me the same respect.

Finally take a break from time to time, the colleague-couple paradigm is a fine line and both sides need attention.

How do clients/potential investors react to the fact that the two of you are a couple?

Nity: It’s not the first thing we mention to people but when they find out they are usually very supportive and sometimes things go smoother because they see a good working relationship. They always want to know the story behind the relationship so that is always a good conversation starter.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of starting a business as a couple?

Michelle: Put it this way, if both can suffer multiple failed ventures as well as cyclical business trends, then marriage is definitely a cakewalk! Advantages include great respect for each other, excellent emotional support as well as strong trust build through years of clear communication and a very good idea of the person you are going to marry! Disadvantages include increased stress, mutually-low incomes, arguments that if improperly handled will result in the termination of the relationship!

Nity: The level of communication and respect you develop for each other in the process is second to none. Couples counseling cannot rival it.

On the flip side, I am always more critical of her because we are a couple and I do not want people thinking that we give each other leeway on things. Increased stress and low pay makes dates not as cool in the beginning. But in the end, being able to succeed with your partner in life is a different feeling altogether.

Marc and Bianca Medina, co-founders, Bolooka

Marc and Bianca, a couple from the Philippines, have been involved in three startups together. Their first is Lightweight Solutions, a digital agency. They then launched two more startups: PhotoLive, a digital photobooth, and Bolooka, a social eCommerce platform.

Could you give some advice to entrepreneurs thinking of starting a company as a couple? What are the things to look out for?

Marc: First, the couple should really like what they are doing and not consider doing a business together just because they’re a couple. If you don’t like what you are doing, at the end of the day whether your partner is your spouse or not, you’d get burned out easily. Second, you must know the strengths and weaknesses of each other to complement each other’s work. In our case, Bianca is in the creative side while I’m on the technical side.

How do clients and potential investors react to the fact that the two of you are a couple?

Marc: So far all our clients reacted positively about it (or if they have negative reaction, they are pretty good in hiding it). They say that there will be lower chances of not delivering because one will be nagging the other for it. Another reaction is that they like the set up and believe that we’d give our 100 percent on it since this is not just for the company but for the family as well.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of starting a business as a couple?

Marc: The Advantages: Honesty — no beating around the bush. You get real feedback from each other. If one thinks the work is crap or awesome, it will just be mentioned straight. Getting things done quicker — you can discuss things and make small and big decisions quickly. No corporate ‘politics’ and hierarchy which most of the time impedes work flow and progress. You understand what each other is doing — you don’t have to explain if you’re working  overtime on something. Sometimes we would even remind each other to OT for it.

The disadvantage: At first, we tend to have a 24-hour work life, we bring work to our home, discuss it on the bed and sometimes it feels like your boss or colleague is living with you. Now, we make it a point to leave the work at the office and have a personal life at home. It’s not that easy, and it’s so tempting to do some work at home with your partner, but that’s just what we strive not to do.

Also we make sure not to mix our personal ‘problems’ (if there are any) with work. If there are misunderstandings at home, our work is never affected.

But you have to be prepared for it when you get back at home.

Comments